Another night that I could not sleep ,
I felt like I have a thousand word and thought in my heart that I could not speak out .
I have been thinking a lot lately ,
thinking about the past ,
thinking what I had done , what I had accomplished ...
But all I could recall is those bad memory ,
I could not even recall one single good memory that I had in my past .
I felt like all the people around me even my dearest friend is hiding things from me.
I felt like I could not trust anyone but myself anymore .
I can feel the door to my heart is closing day by day ,
maybe one day it will completely closed up and locked up .
Feel alone and being useless .
Everyone is working hard ,
some studying,
some working,
everyone has moving toward the future with their path ,
but I still standing there waiting ...
Waiting something to happen or I just don't know what to do .
Or maybe I just being silly and negative thought ...
No, thinking like that show I'm running away ,
away from the problem I face ...
But still , this is not the first time I run away from my problem ,
I had been running in my whole life , not toward the future but away .
I wish I don't need to run anymore , I wonder when will I able to rest ....
I'm tired from all the running .
And you , You said I'll make u happy when i smile ,
but really , i was afraid ...
I was always afraid .
I was just taking it all in .
The sky, the trees , the sunlight ...
When I was in the past , I never dreamed a place like this could even exist .
But now ?
Here I am ,
know that there's a fantasy in life .
If I hadn't gone to those fireworks ,
if i hadn't been there during holiday...
If anything had been different , I'd never have had a chance to see this .
No,
I'm sure I would have wound up here .
Because I remembered I promised myself .
I promised myself that i will accept my fate...
But really .... When did I do that ? Hm , I don't know ..
How about another lifetime ? To tell you the truth ,
I've told so many lies , it's all a blur...
But well you know , sometimes you have to lie about stuff ... right ?
To keep our self going because we're afraid ...
Or protect someone else , so they don't get hurt .
Sometimes ,
even the things that everyone in the whole word thinks are true turn out to be lies .
At the end of the day , though , it's not the lie that matters ,
but what you do after you tell it... Work hard enough , and we can make it true...
I mean maybe I have forgot , Maybe I did promise myself .
I tired to run away from you anymore ,
I will had to take it as a bad dream ,
a nightmare that I should have wake up long ago ,
a long long ago ...
We were once best friend ...
and also once couple , although it was short but I have no regret .
Not a best friend then ...
I just want you beside me...
I know we had no choice .
It was the only thing we could do .
It was the only choice we had .
I gave in , I accepted , I believed , I allowed it to be true .
I thought I'd be able to go through with it without ever doubting myself .
But I ... It hurt so much ...
★愿幻星✖傑尐☆ 上
2.00 AM
15 FEB 2011
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