To be Decided (2)

A chance for me to confirm the rumor,
A battle of 50/50 chances...
Few comment then I get you to knock my door and have a chat.
Simple conversation and I get the answer that I want...
At least what I know was that the rumor was False.
You know,
I wish that we could talk more often,
I like short but often conversation,
but It will be best if is long and often conversation.
After clearing the misunderstanding,
I continue Happily gather your recent activity through friends,
Please talk to me when you are online,
I miss you~
Yet, more and more friend for you...

'You are online,
Not posting much,
But more and more friend,
What are you doing?
Who are you chatting with?'
This is what I think...

I went outdoor,
Experience Fear, Scare of Height and Balancing.
Feeling of Ignoring and being Ignored.
Maybe because of that day,
My Soul turn 180 degree?
I lost my feeling and interest toward you...
I lost the motivation to get in a relationship...
Until now,
I want to be with you,
but the feeling of like and interest has gone...
I tried to get back the emotion,
and I will continue trying...
cause I know deep down,
I Like You.

In previous,
I like someone (2 years) who nickname 'XiaoBai' ~
until I met you...
This time I didn't met someone but the feeling just vanishes, gone I tell you...

but it came back the next day after wrote this.. I hope you and I both got this feeling..

★愿幻星✖傑尐☆　　上
1.00 AM
25 Feb 2013

To be Decided (1)

It has been very long since I updated my blog, well I was going to update sooner but no action was taken. There are many question need to be decided after STPM end :

what should I do after the exam,

which course I going to further my studies,

what job should I take while waiting for the result,

Should I take the path that may be alone ?

or Should I continue the path that I always taken ?

or even, Should I continue to In-Love-With-You...

Months had passes, it almost enter March after few days...

These question almost ready with concerning answer,

expect for 'Should I continue to In-Love-With-You',

the other question are not definite cause still need to wait for the result then only will be confirmed.

As for the love question, 

there are few symptoms that lead to confirm answer,

at least this is what I think...

In previous blog, I mention how happy I was when :
I look at you quietly from far,
I mention you in front of my DEAR friend saying how much I care, notice and like about you,
I say how we are blessed by Venus (symbol of love and beauty),
We Hangout together,
We are so close together as you around me,
You look for me for advise,
You look at me,
mention of me...

All are sweet, happy, jealous...
Until after the talk (seminar).
After I recall about that day, I notice that you have not actually look at me when we are talking.
Are you in heard of something?
Are you afraid to this?
or Are you going to quietly withdraw from my life...

I went to a party/gathering,
and I heard that you are in-relationship with someone,
I was like, Wow ! (surprising unexpected)
Maybe it was real,
all those accepting/adding friends,
online but don't know what you do or who you chat...
My heart feels very uneasy and My eyes are wet,
But still,
I need to stay calm and smile.
The event went well and I was Happy and Enjoy that moment,
But after I went home,
I started to think about you and your rumors...
Awful day and night after that,
I tell myself that If is true then accept and bless them,
but I could not....
and I got no one to talk about it since I know they are busy with work and tired after work...
First time got this feeling,
Feeling on uncertainty in this,
cause mostly I able to get someone to flirt with me
(for someone I like that is...),
and I know I'm not a charmer but
Luckily there are friend who ask me to hangout and chat with me,
Which took my apart from theses...

At last,
There is a chance for me to try out whether those rumor are true...

★愿幻星✖傑尐☆　　上
12.06 AM
25 Feb 2013

Another Great Day

Yesterday is another sweet Memory for me~ I have many sweet Memory and I like it as long You haven being occupied.

Wake up in the morning, prepare to attend a talk given by the school. 

Actually is more like knowing our senior in different University than a formal talk.

A bit unexpected though, cause I expect there will be a lot of people attending the talk but apparently almost half attended. The amount of Senior and Junior is almost 1:1, so each of us get a chance to know 1 Senior? Haha...

As usual, I arrived almost the talk start, luckily there are few same type with me, therefore we went in together so that we won't feel embarrass. Well, I afraid to go there actually, cause most of the close friend of mine are not attending and my phone stopped rang recently ! Nobody contact me ! Luckily, I able to fit in to anyone as long I'm in good mood.  

Guess I still have that habit huh, Habit of finding someone~ 

Once I walk in that room I quickly scan whole crowd to look for someone that I able to talk to. Sit next to Mike~ then only came in more and more people that I able to spam talking with. I talking as if is my last chances to talk cause I not talking with friend Face-To-Face quite awhile, and I feel bored watching Facebook where kinda cold these days.

Next, while get Up-Date with my friends, I also scanning for the location of You...
Well, I saw your car so that mean you also attend !!! Yeah me ???

Unfortunate I can't found you, not until the last minute you came in~

At first we were separated, but hey ! Venus ( symbol of love and beauty ) Blessed me !!! All the people need to move in a bit so that there are space to sit for the late comer. 

'2 roads diverged in the yellow wood - The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost'

I got separated with Mike, well I just move my chair behind to Mike. So we are near too.

Which means, You get to choose

'The one less traveled by', or , 'The one that you familiar'

At that moment I wish that you choose 'The one less traveled by' ,

however 'The one that you familiar' have higher chances cause is the most people choice.

But still I feel happy and satisfy cause I able to see you.

I was wrong... cause You actually choose 'The one less traveled by' !

That really make my day cause I totally HAPPY !!! and I can feel my heartbeat very fast ~ I hate my habit of 'Pretending not care about the one I care'  , I didn't look at you and even not speak to you during the talk... 

I keep on talking with my friend around me while listening to the talk, but not you... Hey I not hate you...Hope you don't misunderstanding. I feel that you are trying to talk with me... Or is just my imagination? Cause Inside my heart and mind, I got a lot things to ask you. 

How are you? What are you doing recently? 

What is your choice of University? Hey there, anyone in mind?

Hmm... Can't make myself say out those word, feeling the fast heartbeat and the moment of just stay there...

But at last, 'Mana Eh Sai !' after the talk I quickly came up a topic to speak with you. We were discussing whether to attend a Friends Invite. Apparently you are not going cause you have something to do on that day, I forgot what it is... I hope is not something that hurt me T.T Even is just few sentence during our meet up, I glad that I was there to talk and listen.

Oh ya, thanks to Senior 'Advise' I will be need to do more research on the courses offer and the choice I need to made.Wonder what is yours, your choice are far more wider than mine. Hardly to enter the same University, but There's still possible ! Even is just few percentage.

I glad 

'Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.'

which is Happy Ending for my fantasy though, possible not for both of us... But I sure hope is for both of us ~

★愿幻星✖傑尐☆　　上
2.30 AM
6 Feb 2013